Here are 8 lessons from the book I hear You and how they might just change your life too.
1. Validation Is Not Agreement:
This hit me early on, and it hit hard. I’d always thought that validating someone meant I had to agree with them. Sorensen breaks that myth completely. Validation, he says, is simply acknowledging that someone’s feelings make sense—even if their reaction wouldn't be yours. Once I understood this, everything shifted. I stopped jumping into debates. I stopped trying to “correct” feelings. People don’t always want answers—they want understanding. And when you give it? Walls come down.
2. “That Makes Sense” Is Magic:
This one-liner became a kind of superpower. Sorensen repeats it throughout the book, and by the time I heard it for the third or fourth time, it clicked. You can validate someone with just these three words. I started testing it in real conversations, and wow—the reactions were instant. People relaxed. They felt seen. It taught me that we often overthink what to say but what matters most is that people feel understood. “That makes sense” might be the simplest phrase that can turn an argument into a moment of connection.
3. Don’t Rush to Fix:
This one stung a bit. I’ve always prided myself on being the “problem solver” in conversations. But Sorensen shows how often, when people share something hard, they aren’t asking for a solution—they’re asking for support. He shares stories that feel all too familiar—someone venting, and the other person jumping straight into “Have you tried…?” That moment kills connection. Now, I’ve learned to pause, validate first, and only then ask, “Do you want help thinking through this, or do you just want to vent?” That one question changes everything.
4. Listening Is a Skill, Not a Trait:
I always thought some people were just “natural listeners.” Turns out, it’s a skill—and one most of us never really learned. The book broke down how to listen: stop interrupting, stay present, and show empathy not by fixing, but by feeling. It was humbling. But empowering, too. Because skills can be learned. And when you practice real listening, you start having the kind of relationships you didn’t even know were possible.
5. Validating Doesn’t Weaken Your Position:
This was a fear I didn’t know I had. In conflict, especially, I used to avoid validation because I thought it would mean giving up my point of view. But Sorensen’s example about arguments—especially in relationships—made it clear: you can validate someone’s feelings and still hold your ground. This changed the way I talk to loved ones. I can say, “I get why you’d feel that way” without conceding anything. It softens the tension and keeps the conversation open instead of combative.
6. People Repeat Themselves When They Don’t Feel Heard:
This lesson made me laugh out loud—because I’ve done this, and I’ve seen it happen a hundred times. When people repeat themselves, it’s not because they love the sound of their voice. It’s because they’re still hoping you’ll get it. Sorensen helped me see these moments not as annoyances, but as signs that I missed the mark. So now, instead of getting irritated, I back up and ask myself, “Have I actually acknowledged what they’re trying to say?” Most times, I haven’t. And when I do? They stop repeating.
7. Emotional Validation Works in Every Relationship:
One of my favorite things about this book is how universal it is. This isn’t just for romantic partners. It’s for coworkers, friends, even strangers. Sorensen shares examples from all kinds of relationships—and you start to see validation as this quiet, powerful thread that connects us all. Since listening to the book, I’ve used these tools in casual conversations and serious ones. It works. People lean in. They open up. Validation creates safety—and everyone needs that.
8. Small Changes Create Deep Shifts:
The biggest surprise of all? These aren’t complicated techniques. They’re small tweaks. A pause. A few words. A conscious moment of empathy. But the impact is enormous. Sorensen’s style—both in writing and narration—is so simple and relatable that you walk away thinking, I can do this. And you can. I did. And slowly, one conversation at a time, my relationships started feeling lighter, stronger, more real.